This weeks curmudgeon files:
Well, Twitter seems to be the new thing, but I am definitely not going there. " I'm on the toilet reading a magazine and wishing you were here..." " I'm in the middle of intricate brain surgery, but instead of concentrating on what I'm supposed to be doing, I'm socially masturbating and thinking about you..." " Blah Blah Blah...senate sub committee hearings are so dull. Say I heard a good one the other day..." " Driving down a mountain road in the middle of a blizzard here in the Carpathian mountains. Gee if these roads were any more decrepit and twisting, we could sell them as stale pretzels.... AAAAARGH!- Crash! LOL!" There are just some things that I do not need to hear 24/7, including every random thought that passes through the heads of people who probably also love the smell of their own bad breath and the remains of their bodily functions. ( Smacks of "Look Mommy, I made big poop in the potty! Isn't it pretty?") Oprah Winfrey patting herself on the bak because she got "130,000 hit on HER VERY First DAAAYYYY" ( adapting her imperial "I am the QUEEN OF THE WORLD" VOICE). Now, for my journalist friends, this seems to be a good way of keeping up with breaking events around the world and seems like a necessary function to keep linked in. otherwise it sems to be another step towards total erosion of privacy and personal space.
A few weeks ago. I was in the Ladies in the Ed Building,( and on the toilet.) A woman next to me was engaged in loud bowel-related activity, with all the accompanying farts and splashes." then this is what I heard.
"Ceci? It's me. ( Explosive FART! Splash!) Has the order come in yet? ( Requisite grunting!)YOU call them and tell them that if it isn't in by 12:30, we're cancelling payment and finding another supplier!And I'm serious about that! Am I still on for lunch with the ad reps? (Squishy sound! FAARRTTTT! )Make sure our reservation is still on. I'd hate to show up without having a table reserved ! That would be so embarassing ....."
( FFFAAAAARRRRRRTTTTTTTT! paper roll unrolling. sound of pants swishing as they are pulled up)
By this time, I was out of the stall and washing my hands.Then, face visibly sweating, this middle aged woman who should know better stepped out and started tucking her shirt back into her too tight wrinkled pants and walked up to the sink to wash up.
I looked at her and said" You know what? In spite of the similarity of appearance, a restroom is not a phone booth, several of which are located right over there, in the lobby. Whether of not you have a sense of personal space and care that you are conducting business by phone while imitating the explosive sounds of an avalanche coming down a mountain, I don't really want to join your party. ( I smile sweetly and nod my head up and down as I speak in my mot dulcet and non offensive tone) Even if you have no sense of decorum yourself, you might consider that the rest of us do not want to join in your perverse version of Open Mike Night. I do not want to play, so if you need talk while you are on the toilet here, please look for my shoes under the door next time before you start and remember that I value MY privacy." she blushed and apologized and shuffled out the door.
Now Miss Manners says that the height of rudeness is to correct someone for their exhibition of bad manners, but this has happened more than once, hence the double-barreled blast of pent up, but quietly expressed, fury, as I had rehearsed this mentally to rule out all loud screaming and expletives and low key speech levels so as not to appear insane.I'm going to spread this message and hope it becomes a national movement, standing up for basic God given rights to personal potty space. I'm going to have the signs made up to post in every public restroom i use on a regular basis:"CAUTION! A PHONE BOOTH IS NOT A RESTROOM! FAILURE TO HEED THIS WARNING WILL RESULT IN THE PERSON IN THE NEIGHBORING STALL LIFTING THEIR OWN CAMERA PHONE OVER THE STALL WALL TO RECORD YOU IN YOUR VERBOSE AND INSENSITIVE GLORY,AND THEN WE WILL SEND THE VIDEO TO BOTH YOUR GRAND MOTHER AND YOUR CHURCH CHOIR GROUP! HAVE SOME DIGNITY! WE MEAN IT! LOL!"
JOIN THE MOVEMENT!
Oh my word! See what happens? If I sit at tHE computer long enough, idly typing away my vicious thoughts and degenerate behaviors, my husband will sneak up behind me with a lovely plate of green chile omelet, spicy sausages and light as air biscuits.who says that bad behavior merits no rewards?
Chuckling inside! ( that's CI, a new acronym for all you Twitterers! T
Well, Twitter seems to be the new thing, but I am definitely not going there. " I'm on the toilet reading a magazine and wishing you were here..." " I'm in the middle of intricate brain surgery, but instead of concentrating on what I'm supposed to be doing, I'm socially masturbating and thinking about you..." " Blah Blah Blah...senate sub committee hearings are so dull. Say I heard a good one the other day..." " Driving down a mountain road in the middle of a blizzard here in the Carpathian mountains. Gee if these roads were any more decrepit and twisting, we could sell them as stale pretzels.... AAAAARGH!- Crash! LOL!" There are just some things that I do not need to hear 24/7, including every random thought that passes through the heads of people who probably also love the smell of their own bad breath and the remains of their bodily functions. ( Smacks of "Look Mommy, I made big poop in the potty! Isn't it pretty?") Oprah Winfrey patting herself on the bak because she got "130,000 hit on HER VERY First DAAAYYYY" ( adapting her imperial "I am the QUEEN OF THE WORLD" VOICE). Now, for my journalist friends, this seems to be a good way of keeping up with breaking events around the world and seems like a necessary function to keep linked in. otherwise it sems to be another step towards total erosion of privacy and personal space.
A few weeks ago. I was in the Ladies in the Ed Building,( and on the toilet.) A woman next to me was engaged in loud bowel-related activity, with all the accompanying farts and splashes." then this is what I heard.
"Ceci? It's me. ( Explosive FART! Splash!) Has the order come in yet? ( Requisite grunting!)YOU call them and tell them that if it isn't in by 12:30, we're cancelling payment and finding another supplier!And I'm serious about that! Am I still on for lunch with the ad reps? (Squishy sound! FAARRTTTT! )Make sure our reservation is still on. I'd hate to show up without having a table reserved ! That would be so embarassing ....."
( FFFAAAAARRRRRRTTTTTTTT! paper roll unrolling. sound of pants swishing as they are pulled up)
By this time, I was out of the stall and washing my hands.Then, face visibly sweating, this middle aged woman who should know better stepped out and started tucking her shirt back into her too tight wrinkled pants and walked up to the sink to wash up.
I looked at her and said" You know what? In spite of the similarity of appearance, a restroom is not a phone booth, several of which are located right over there, in the lobby. Whether of not you have a sense of personal space and care that you are conducting business by phone while imitating the explosive sounds of an avalanche coming down a mountain, I don't really want to join your party. ( I smile sweetly and nod my head up and down as I speak in my mot dulcet and non offensive tone) Even if you have no sense of decorum yourself, you might consider that the rest of us do not want to join in your perverse version of Open Mike Night. I do not want to play, so if you need talk while you are on the toilet here, please look for my shoes under the door next time before you start and remember that I value MY privacy." she blushed and apologized and shuffled out the door.
Now Miss Manners says that the height of rudeness is to correct someone for their exhibition of bad manners, but this has happened more than once, hence the double-barreled blast of pent up, but quietly expressed, fury, as I had rehearsed this mentally to rule out all loud screaming and expletives and low key speech levels so as not to appear insane.I'm going to spread this message and hope it becomes a national movement, standing up for basic God given rights to personal potty space. I'm going to have the signs made up to post in every public restroom i use on a regular basis:"CAUTION! A PHONE BOOTH IS NOT A RESTROOM! FAILURE TO HEED THIS WARNING WILL RESULT IN THE PERSON IN THE NEIGHBORING STALL LIFTING THEIR OWN CAMERA PHONE OVER THE STALL WALL TO RECORD YOU IN YOUR VERBOSE AND INSENSITIVE GLORY,AND THEN WE WILL SEND THE VIDEO TO BOTH YOUR GRAND MOTHER AND YOUR CHURCH CHOIR GROUP! HAVE SOME DIGNITY! WE MEAN IT! LOL!"
JOIN THE MOVEMENT!
Oh my word! See what happens? If I sit at tHE computer long enough, idly typing away my vicious thoughts and degenerate behaviors, my husband will sneak up behind me with a lovely plate of green chile omelet, spicy sausages and light as air biscuits.who says that bad behavior merits no rewards?
Chuckling inside! ( that's CI, a new acronym for all you Twitterers! T
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